Why is it so hard for Founders to Let go?

Author: Natalie Michael, MA, Certified Coach

Supporting a Founder through a leadership transition is most challenging during the "letting go" phase. This phase is a multifaceted opportunity, requiring a clear vision for success, a milestone-driven transition plan, defined decision-making roles, and the identification and resolution of interfering patterns. Founders often excel in the planning stage, but transitions falter when these interfering patterns emerge.

What is an interfering pattern? Essentially, it's a set of behaviors that hinders goal achievement. For instance, a Founder might struggle to relinquish client meetings to a new President, believing their presence is essential. Or, despite aiming to empower the new leader, they might micromanage decisions, leading to hesitation in independent action. In both scenarios, these behaviors become interfering patterns, obstructing the transition's progress.

Two Main Types

There are two main types of interfering patterns:  Avoidance and Compulsion Patterns. 

Avoidance Patterns are:

·       Neglecting to delegate

·       Not asking questions

·       Not saying things because you don’t want to upset people

·       Not telling people what you really expect, want or need to be successful

·       Waiting to long to include people in decisions so there is constant pressure

Compulsion Patterns are:

·       Chiming in with your opinion when you know it is more constructive to let others lead

·       Doing things yourself instead of giving them to others

·       Firing off a string of emails

·       Taking over group decision making when you know it’s helpful to be quiet

·       Over-extending yourself so things are “perfect”

Emotions Behind the Pattern

Interfering patterns are usually tied to an emotion. With avoidance patterns you need to figure out what negative emotion you are avoiding.  With compulsion patterns you need to figure out what positive emotion you are getting as a pay off.

A Belief Behind the Pattern

The process for addressing all interfering patterns involves uncovering the underlying emotions and beliefs. Begin by asking yourself: "What belief is driving this avoidance?" For instance, if you're avoiding delegation, question what you believe about delegation that causes this resistance. You might believe you can perform the task better yourself. While this may be true, it becomes an interfering pattern if your goal is to relinquish those tasks.

Similarly, if you consistently interject your opinion when it would be more constructive to let others lead, ask: "What positive feeling do I gain from interjecting?" Identifying this "payoff" is crucial. Perhaps you feel competent, intelligent, in control, or that you're mitigating risk. Again, these feelings are valid within a different context. However, your current goal is transition, making these established thought patterns and emotional responses an interference.

For example, one of my clients, the CEO of a professional services agency, found it particularly challenging to abstain from client meetings with major clients. He thrived as the thought leader in those discussions. We implemented a gradual withdrawal from these meetings, recognizing his presence as an interfering pattern in the transition process. He eventually redefined his role as a "sherpa," guiding others up the mountain—or, in this case, facilitating the client meetings.

•  Think of a goal you have.

• What is your interfering pattern?

• What emotion or belief sits behind it?

• If you could break the pattern what would be the benefit for you?

• If you don’t break the pattern where will you be a year from now?

Reference: Lefkoe, S., & Yepremyan, V. (n.d.). Hitting the wall: Eliminate the beliefs that sabotage your business and your life (Kindle ed.)